Study Finds Sexism Doesn't Exist Anymore

A recent analysis of the state of the country found that sexism just doesn't exist anymore.

"How is this possible?? We haven't even had a female president yet!," you texted your mom upon learning the news. True, but the 2016 election cycle has been completely woman-friendly, and the woman candidate hasn't at all been scrutinized in gender-specific ways. It's not like she's been criticized for not smiling, or about her hair, or anything like that! Definitely not.

In fact, many say this recent surge in gender equality really has trickled down from the government. “Ever since Tina Fey was elected to congress, there’s been a total shift,” said Katie, a 23-year-old PR account manager. “My boss just gave me a 22 percent raise!” she added.

Women across the board are thanking elected officials for keeping our rights in mind at all times. “I totally have free reign to make choices about my own body,” said Kaitlyn, a 28-year-old slam poet. “I hear they’re gonna start giving out free birth control at Starbucks along with your grande soy latte!"

When Beyonce introduced this concept called "Feminism" at the 2014 VMAs, people were like, "ohhhh!"

The analysis found that women at large feel completely respected everywhere they turn. “I walk around outside at night like I own the damn sidewalk!” said Jenny, a recent Manhattan transfer from Kansas. “A man tapped me on the shoulder in Chelsea the other night,” she recalls. “When I turned around, he told me that I had dropped my selfie stick a block back. He kindly returned it to me even helped me zip my bag!”

Jenny’s friend Kayla was quick to chime in with a similar anecdote. “A guy offered to buy me a drink the other night,” she said, adding, “when I told him I wasn’t interested, he told me he respected my decision and returned to his table.”

Men everywhere are really doing their part. “I found the woman who invented my favorite video game on Twitter,” said Brad, a 27-year-old artist who plans to move out of his grandma's basement next month. “I tweeted at her to tell her how smart she is,” he added.

In a tweet responding to the news, Gloria Steinem wrote:

LOL, happy April Fools' day.